she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
