I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize