Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
