All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
