Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
