12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
