my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
