false alarm. still invincible.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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