So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
and you fell through a lawn chair
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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