wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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