Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
