So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
accomplished twins. life is a go
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
