oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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