I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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