Just cropdusted the office
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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