im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
