he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
