Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
