she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
