I just threw up on my dentist
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
