My sheets look like a crime scene.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
