$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize