also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i can't believe i had my finger in that
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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