and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
