Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
