She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize