So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
