Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
