If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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