I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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