I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
