I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
