Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
