dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
