I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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