So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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