we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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