i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
