We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
