I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
