Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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