So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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