you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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