Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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