I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
