I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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