cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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