And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize