Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Randomize
