He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
