Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
