My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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