new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
