Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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