I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
