Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
