Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
