It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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