he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
