he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
