"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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