I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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