thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
