a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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