Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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