Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
