fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
